Creative Worship: In the beginning...

It all began for me with this. Well maybe not all, but the surrender to God's inspiration He was pouring on me?

It started here.

Occasionally I'll create a full experience for you with song - this is one of those times. Hit play on the video and continue reading, if you will. This is me inviting you in a little deeper. 

In very early 2018 when "So Will I" (Hillsong) came out, it kept playing over and over in my head. I had begun a creative practice just a couple months before - creating daily, even a lot of really ugly stuff. 

And I was not okay with that. I was trying to control it. All of it. Trying to make it like this or like that. I wanted to be good, better than I was. 

So back to the story - I'm laying in bed one night, sleepless, and around midnight So Will I kept going on and on and on in my head. I felt the urge, the nudge, His voice say - 'GET UP! Come paint with me."

And a series of thoughts went through my head - "I'm not a painter." 'It's midnight!" "Really?" and so on.

But when God wants something done, it's getting done. Sometime around 12:15 I rose and went to my desk. I took out a single sheet of watercolor paper, my paints and I sat there.

Suddenly the thought, "We're going to paint a galaxy!"

Me: 😥I've never painted a galaxy before, I don't fully understand watercolor!!!

And yet So Will I kept playing in my head...

"God of creation

There at the start

Before the beginning of time

With no point of reference

You spoke to the dark

And fleshed out the wonder of light

And as You speak

A hundred billion galaxies are born

In the vapour of Your breath the planets form

If the stars were made to worship, so will I

I can see Your heart in everything You've made

Every burning star

A signal fire of grace

If creation sings Your praises, so will I"

So I turned it on Youtube on my PC - on repeat. I grabbed my water spray bottle, my favorite big watercolor brush and I started spraying around the page and applying colors.

As I painted and listened, I started to sob.

Relinquishing control of where the colors were going was insanely uncomfortable.

But He kept saying, "Let me. Listen to my voice, we're doing this together."

For over an hour, my Father and I painted together, fleshing out a representation of His creation....adding light here, laying more dark here, adding water where it needed to morph into the next....

....and when I was done, I thanked Him for showing me. And I cried some more, So Will I still playing in the background.

This was my first full taste of what He wants from me - my trust and my surrender; of His grace and His patience with me, as He prompts me to continue on His way and not the way the world teaches; and to Trust His inspiration over my work.

I felt the stirring in my spirit that He was saying clearly, "You're always trying too hard to make it this or that - submit not to 'shoulds', but to me and I will co-create with you...and you're going to shine. I'm going to shine through you."

Nearly 5 years later I still have this piece, now faded a bit. I don't even need the piece to remember that supercharged spiritual event with Him and all that it has meant, all that it has led me to -

He is better than I am and when I lean into Him, hard and beautiful things happen. 

I don't even need evidence....my soul knows what it knows. 

So yes, God - "I can see Your heart in everything You've made, Every burning star A signal fire of grace, If creation sings Your praises, so will I"

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